Boston Would Be The Best City In America With These 10 Improvements

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Boston has a lot going for it, like its thriving economy, great education and healthcare systems, and how it’s a great place for both dogs and bacon lovers alike. However, there’s always room for improvement, so here are ten things The Hub can do better.

1. Talk Like Tom Menino Day

You’ve likely heard of International Talk Like a Pirate Day, but Boston should kick it up a notch. Former Mayor Menino, locally called Mumbles, famously speaks like he has a mouthful of marbles and the Boston accent only exaggerates it. Menino ought to be honored for his service as mayor (and incomprehensible pronunciation) with a city-wide holiday.

2. Beautify City Hall

Boston’s City Hall, once voted one of the ugliest buildings in the world, is known for looking like a derelict factory in the eastern bloc. Aside from an overhaul of the building’s Brutalist concrete façade, the large plaza would do well with a little extra green space, perhaps a small park instead of the sea of brick the area features now.

3. Name Every Piece of Infrastructure After a Boston Sports Superstar

The city ought to take Titletown to the next level. There’s already the Ted Williams Tunnel — why not rename the Zakim Bridge the Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. Bunker Hill Bridge? Rebrand Logan Airport as the Larry Bird International Airport. Change the Common to The Big Papi Common and the John Hancock Tower to the Jason Varitek Tower.

4. Bring Back Happy Hour

Since 1984, Bostonians have been denied the privilege of discounted early evening drinks. At first, this seemed prudent due to a few drunk driving deaths that occurred prior to the law’s passing, but statistics show the decrease in such fatalities may not be owed to the ban. Perhaps it’s time to rethink the thirty-year happy hour prohibition.

5. More Easy-Going Locals

According to the votes on Travel and Leisure, Boston is not home to the most relaxed of peoples. The Hub has overall friendliness going for it, but the locals clearly need a chill pill.

6. Fill in Transit Gaps

Boston has robust enough transit that it’s possible to go car-free, but it can still be very difficult in some communities. Parts of the city, such as Dorchester and Roslindale, have limited transit. Some South Boston residents are even taking matters into their own hands. With the Green Line getting an extension and the North Shore host to  some improvements, it’ll soon be time to address existing transit gaps throughout the city.

7. Stop Feeding the Haters

As mentioned above, Bostonians are not the most relaxed citizens of the world, but one thing they probably should settle down about is all the Boston hate. Sure, folks often trash talk the Sox and the Patriots. Yes, The Onion had some fun at the city’s expense, but the deputy press secretary for the Mayor’s office certainly should not be getting into pissing matches with Gawker on Twitter. Laugh it off and go back to enjoying everything the Hub has to offer.

8. Legalize Marijuana

Washington and Colorado have not descended into a languidly hedonistic pot binge (yet) since their respective legalizations, so there’s probably no reason to believe that Massachusetts would either. With advocates planning a push for a legalization initiative in 2016, it seems it’s high time the Bay State come around on cannabis.

9. Better Public Maintenance

Of the top 20 complaints submitted to Boston’s constituent hotline in 2012, seven of them were related to the maintenance of public infrastructure and services such as roads, sidewalks, and parks. For a total of 34,140 complaints, that’s a heck of a lot of grievances.

10. Dunkin Donuts Delivery Service

Boston has restaurant delivery, grocery delivery, and even liquor delivery. You can get Beantown’s favorite beans delivered, but not a pre-brewed cup of coffee. Get on it, Dunkin.

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Keith Caswell