47 reasons why buying a tiny house is a terrible idea

Popular for their creative designs, small environmental footprint, and innovative use of space, tiny homes are all the rage these days. However, is living in a 100-400 square foot house right for you? To prove the answer is “no” here are 47 reasons why buying a tiny house is a terrible idea…

  1. If you’re downsizing into a tiny house, you’re going to need to sell most of your stuff, and that means a garage sale, and a garage sale means interacting with all those weirdos who magically appear anytime someone posts a Craigslist ad.
  2. It’s like living in a broken down RV. You get the same space, but no mobility.
  3. Have you ever seen a mime trapped in an invisible box? That’s your life if you buy a tiny house.
  4. No hiding in the back of the house to avoid Christmas carolers, door-to-door salespeople, missionaries, overly-friendly neighbors, political candidates…
  5. Ain’t no party like a tiny house party because a tiny house party has absolutely no space to do any actual partying.
  6. A tiny house has the same cramped space as a sailboat, but lacks the serene calm of waves gently rocking you to sleep.
  7. A wide-bowled crystal wine glass allows one to appreciate the unique aroma of a fine 1985 Bordeaux. In a similar way, a tiny house is the perfectly-designed vessel to truly experience the full depth and many aromatic notes whenever someone takes their socks off.
  8. No slipping off to the other end of the house to break wind unnoticed. Not for you, not for anyone.
  9. Someone will inevitably break their collarbone jumping out the sleeping loft onto someone below.
  10. The average tiny house is 100-400 square feet. The average outhouse is 12 square feet. Does the idea of living 8-33 outhouses sound appealing?
  11. It’s cramped, like being an astronaut on the space shuttle, but you’re not weightless and you don’t get to pee into one of those cool vacuum hose-style space toilets.
  12. You’ll find little joy in throwing a paper airplane in a tiny house.
  13. Curious how your clothes would smell if you hung them in your kitchen and then fried some chicken or made curry? You’ll find out if you buy a tiny home.
  14. In the event of a fire… it’s already too late.
  15. You’ll have to answer a lot of questions from people who can’t understand why someone would willingly recreate the cramped feeling of the dorm room they had their freshman year of college.
  16. There is no known cure for the smug superiority that tiny home owners all seem to experience.
  17. You can’t dramatically run upstairs and slam the door in a a tiny house, because you have to climb up a ladder.
  18. People in tiny homes can wind up having sex in the kitchen simply by changing positions.
  19. Even if your tiny home has every possible amenity, it doesn’t change the fact that Donald Trump is the president.
  20. Putting off doing the dishes to go to sleep is harder when your pillow is only 6 feet from the sink..
  21. Are you claustrophobic? Did you know the square footage a tiny house is only 7-29 times larger than a coffin?
  22. Might as well cancel that Costco Executive Club membership because ain’t no way you can find storage space for those 24 cans of kidney beans or that 48-pack of bagels.
  23. If you buy one, a fun thing to reflect on while drinking your morning tea will be how people who have space in their homes for a coffee or espresso maker are probably enjoying their mornings more than you are.
  24. A golden retriever sprawled out on the floor will take up between 1/10th to 1/40th of your home’s square footage.
  25. If somebody in the house is watching 2 1/2 Men on TV then everyone in the house is watching 2 1/2 Men on TV.
  26. If you’re ever in the mood for some company you’ll have to stand in the closet and mingle with your coats.
  27. Polygamous relationships are incredibly complicated, but just imagine trying to pull it off with this type of floor plan.
  28. You just wait and see how fast that cat hair piles up.
  29. A tiny home is a place to be genuine and honest, a place where you can’t hide behind walls of your own construction. There are no secrets here in a tiny house. Everyone knows when you’re pooping.
  30. What if you suddenly get into collecting ceramic cat figurines? Where are you going to display them? Where you going to store them? I mean, did you even consider that for a second, Jason?
  31. Your taxidermy collection is going to seriously terrify you when you bang into that wild boar’s toothy snout while shuffling off to the bathroom at night.
  32. Where ya’ gonna do your “Sweating to the Oldies” fitness routine? Where you even gonna find space for your VCR and all those VHS fitness tapes?
  33. If your enemies so choose, they can easily lift your tiny house up, put it on the back of a flatbed truck, and drop it in a town where the only place to eat is Hardees. You willing to take that chance?
  34. You will grow weary of the frequent interview requests from reporters writing pieces about what it’s like to live in a tiny house.
  35. You’ll spend a ton of money on your storage unit to store all the things you failed to throw out when you consciously chose a lifestyle that would allow you to declutter.
  36. You don’t have to be isolated in your tiny home. There are “tiny house villages,” which is a fancy way of saying “trailer park.”
  37. Tiny homes are promoted as “low maintenance,” but sharing a tiny house with another person, coupled with the lack of personal space, could make that relationship “high maintenance.”
  38. Tiny homes are thought to be a passing fad, and if the last fad you bought into was Beanie Babies, then where exactly are you going to store all those Beanie Babies in a tiny house?
  39. The average jail cell is 48 square feet. So a tiny home is basically 2-8 jail cells, but without the free meals, complimentary orange jumpsuit, and new best buddy.
  40. You’ll have to take up hobbies that require limited space, like card tricks, shadow puppetry, or making balloon animals. Just imagine what kind of new friends you’ll make.
  41. Hide-and-go-seek will be extremely disappointing.
  42. During these troubled times a person requires adequate floorspace to pace the house.
  43. “Oh, you’re heading up to bed? Ok, I’m going to stay down here for a bit and watch TV and pretend you can’t hear it even though it’s just 10 feet away from you.”
  44. There are less expensive ways to tell your friends and family you don’t want them to come over.
  45. If the sheriff’s posse has the tiny house surrounded you’ve got some pretty limited escape options.
  46. You’re going to break so many dishes and framed pictures just trying to do tai chi.
  47. You could save a lot of cash and just buy a single-wide.

Still want to live in a tiny home? Whether you want to buy a tiny house, a cramped condo, or an itty bitty cabin, the best way to find the miniature home of your dreams is on Estately.comor download the Estately iPhone App or the Estately Android App. All three are great tools to help you find your tiny dream home.